Night Angel
by SatteliteHeart
Summary: Esme and Carlisle's story. Rated M for Lemons coming later! A more detailed look at the love story between the two eldest Cullens. some young, reckless Vampire Edward too! Please please review! ;
1. Chapter 1

I was 16 years old on the day that I met the…man, that I was going to spend all of eternity with. I had been playing outside in the forest behind our home, climbing trees with the local kids. I had been in the highest branch of a small ash tree, when Charlie, one of the boys, threw a large stone at me—It just missed me but as I dodged out of the way, I lost my footing and fell down to the ground. I cried out, as I felt a snapping pain in my Leg, I asked one of the others to run to my home to fetch my mother. The tears were flowing down my hot cheeks, but it was not the pain, though it was fierce, that made me sob this way…it was the humiliation. I had known Charlie Evenson since we were children. Our parents socialized together,. But He and I had never become friends. He was mean and surly. And had a slightly odd Look about him. As I waited for my mother to come he was staring at me through narrowed eyes. A strange smile on his face. He looked a though he was enjoying the tears of pain and humiliation he had drawn from me. I pushed the worrisome thought from my mind, as my mother appeared looking scared. The Local Doctor was out of town so we had to go to the hospital in Columbus. We took a Hanson cab and it was after dark by the time we arrived. I was carried into the Doctors office where they laid me down on a bed by the window. We waited quietly for someone to appear. The door opened, and the Pale skinned, blonde haired Doctor entered the room. It was though all the air left. I felt my heartbeat stutter…he was …breathtaking. He closed the door behind him and crossed the room with a kind of flowing grace. His movements were so fluid. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He extended a hand towards my mother who also seemed rather stunned by the good doctor. They shook hands and I saw my mom flush and look away. And then he spoke and I felt as though my heart stopped completely.

"Good Evening Mrs Platt, My Name is Dr Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you. And this must be Esme??…And what seems to be the problem…" As he turned to me and spoke our eyes locked and I felt as though everything else in the room, every sound, everything around me except for his face melted into the background. His strange golden eyes held mine for an interminable amount of time. I felt as though he was reading my soul, and I his.

"…Esme?" we broke eye contact then and he shook his head slightly as if to clear it, and he was suddenly businesslike again, but the tension in the room was palpable now—what had just happened?? I didn't know, but I was utterly certain he had felt something too. But he seemed to be avoiding my eyes.

"I…I…Fell, my leg, um… I landed on it, I felt something…snap." I stammered. He examined my leg in silence and I shivered slightly at his cool touch…really cool actually. How strange. His eyes looked so warm, A golden butterscotch colour I had never seen before. It was an odd contrast to his chilly fingers.

"Is there much pain when I do this?" he asked and pressed slightly on the bone in my leg that we thought was broken.

"Ouuuch!" I yelped

He chuckled quietly "Ok then I think I'm going to have to set your leg in a splint and I'm afraid you will have to stay here in the hospital for a few weeks until we are sure that the bones are healing correctly. We'll set it here in my office and then I'll have a nurse take you upstairs to the ward right away, but first lets get you something for the pain." He said in his perfect voice, with a hint of an English accent playing over his words. He walked over to a cabinet and took out a small cup of pink liquid he handed it to me and indicated that I drink it. I did so. It didn't taste that good but I took it all, as I didn't want him to think I was troublesome. I would have drunk poison if this man had told me it was what he wanted

I was stunned. I was going to be staying here? Where he was? My breathing was unsteady with excitement—I was going to see him again, and talk to him even! I was intrigued by what had passed between us—there was some connection here –I didn't know what it was I had never experienced anything like it, but I had read a lot of books, I loved romance and I had read about love many times, and somewhere in the back of my mind I was toying with phrases like "Love at first sight" and "soul-mates".

Okay so I was probably being ridiculous, and reading far too much into it—he was much older than me, even if he didn't look a day over twenty-one. Probably looking into my eyes to see if I had hit my head or anything, after all I had just fallen out of a tree. But even still…a few weeks he had said. I would get to see his beautiful eyes again, at the very least.

My Mother misinterpreted my uneven breathing pattern as distress that I was going to be staying away from home.

"Oh Honey, don't worry, I will bring you all your books tomorrow, and some fruit too, you will be fine!! Dr Cullen will take good care of you." She soothed.

"I know Mom its fine. Ill be fine. I would love it if you could bring my books though, I hate being stuck indoors –when the weather is so fine too." She seemed reassured that I was happy with the turn of events and allowed herself a small smile.

Doctor Cullen cleared his throat, to excuse himself and he set about arranging the materials for splinting my leg. After a few minutes he took my injured leg gently in his hands. I watched him work in silence, marveling at the effect his fingers had on my heartbeat when they touched my bare skin. I felt like there were sparks crackling between us. I couldn't drag my eyes away from his face as he worked, he didn't see me, focused as intently as he was. But a couple of times he seemed to stop and listen, and with a rush of blood to my cheeks, I realized it was as though he was reacting to my heartbeat when he touched me...could he…was it possible that he could hear it? I continued to sit in silence, going over the last few minutes of my life again and again. Vague ideas about weddings and babies and being a doctors wife, were beginning to take shape in my addled brain, I thought maybe the painkillers were starting to kick in and I felt as though I could drift off to sleep. My eyelids grew heavy, and as I began to drift away an odd though occurred to me…I didn't think… that I could hear the Doctor breathing. Was he holding his breath? Then the thought drifted away…I drifted away…And then he was done and the sudden absence of his hypnotic fingers touching my skin more gently than a feather, startled me back into the here and now, and it was time for me to go to the ward. I only remember small parts about the next hours. My mother kissing me goodbye with promises to return with my books the next day. A kind nurse, helping me to undress, and get into bed. Dr Cullen checking me over as I drifted off. Trying to stay awake to look at his face for longer...his dulcet tones telling me to relax, and let myself rest. As I sank into a deep pool of morphine induced sleep, I thought I heard a reassurance that he would return later.

When I woke, it was still dark outside and I struggled to place my surroundings. Foggy memories began to surface, but before I could make sense of anything, a familiar voice spoke beside me in the darkness.

"how are you feeling?"

Everything came back in an instant. I sat up quickly and I let out an audible gasp. I never heard him move, but a light suddenly flickered on the tallboy next to the bed on the other side, and as the lamp began to glow more brightly, I saw him standing there blowing out a splint. He put it on the dresser and returned to the seat by my bed. He hesitated as he took in my expression.

"Do you mind if I sit?" He asked me. I was sitting gazing at him, my mouth hanging open he must have thought I was a mental. I closed my mouth and shook my head. No. I did not mind if he sat.

" I hope you don't mind my visiting you this evening, I have the rest of the night off you see, and your mother requested that I kept an eye on you as you didn't like to be alone, and had never stayed away from home before," As he sat down, he laughed a little. "Your mother obviously cares and worries a great deal for you…Anyway, I knew you didn't have your books yet, so I thought Maybe…a little company? Perhaps we could talk for a while?" He paused and looked at me. He seemed unsure of himself, as though he had never done anything like this before. This pleased me, I wouldn't like to think he visited all his young female patients after hours and I nodded in agreement, still not trusting myself to be coherent if I tried to speak, I wondered vaguely if I was dreaming. I couldn't believe that this man, so beautiful and skilled could want to see me in his free time. And in the middle of the night, no less. He could surely have any girl he wanted. One that wasn't confined to a hospital bed would be a start. The silence was growing between us like a giant wall, I needed to fill it, but I was scared that I would babble and make a fool of myself.

"Dr. Cullen…" I began, but he cut me off

"Please, call me Carlisle. And you are Esme. You have a beautiful name." the way he said my name mad my pulse fly, and I was staring at him again. He stared back and then he smiled widely and I was struck by how white and sharp his teeth looked. He saw my eyes widen, and looked away, some emotion in his eyes that I couldn't place…sadness? Regret? It confused me. There were a few seconds silence before he spoke again. I looked at his face, but it was composed once more wearing a polite half smile now..

"So, Why don't you tell me about yourself? What do you want to do with your life?" he asked me. The question stunned me into speech and without thinking about it I blurted out my answer. " I want to make houses beautiful. I'm always changing my room and buying new furniture and things. My Mom says I have an eye for it. I want to get married have lots of babies and make our home the most beautiful home in the state!" He laughed at this and began questioning me about my life. We talked for hours about my home, my hopes for the future, my childhood. He didn't say a lot, mostly just nudging me with polite inquiries about my life. It seemed so mundane to me, but he seemed to revel in my tales of smalltown life. While we were talking I felt my self falling into him, I could sit with him just like this forever and always just talking and looking at each other. I could feel that he was attracted to me. I knew I was a pretty girl. People told me so all the time. But I was not conceited. My mother would not have allowed that. As we talked his eyes were on mine. As time drifted by, I found an idea forming in my head. There was something about this man. Carlisle, as he had asked me to call him. Something I was missing. I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't know. But it only served to make me more fascinated than I had been that first moment when our eyes met. As we talked I Asked him lots of questions, but he cleverly diverted me, with answers that were really questions in disguise. As the sun was threatening to make an appearance on the horizon, he told me he had to leave. I struggled to keep the disappointment out of my eyes.

"….Besides if Sister catches me keeping you up all night long she will murder me." he chuckled at the thought.

"will you be back tomorrow?" I asked him hesitantly—I was a little concerned by how much I needed his answer to be yes…I was getting caught up in him, and I knew if I allowed myself to become too fascinated by him then I was setting myself up for a fall…I didn't want to let myself get too attached –I couldn't bear it if I was imagining the connection between us. He was much older than me after all. He raised his hand, and ran a cool finger down my cheek to my jaw, I shuddered at his touch.

"I…" he seemed unsure of his answer but when he saw the look in my eyes at his hesitation, he continued. "yes. I'll be back tomorrow at dusk, I am on the night shift for the next few days. I will come and check your arm as soon as I arrive tomorrow evening. Farewell for now, and…Thank you, for talking with me, I have enjoyed your company… very much. Sleep now my dear, its very late and the Ward Sister will be arriving shortly."

He turned and walked away then, but he paused at the door and looked back at me. Our eyes held again for an instant and I saw something in them again that I didn't understand…Regret perhaps? I couldn't be sure, but it felt as though he didn't want to leave…something more too?

The day dragged by in staggering lulls where the clock seemed to have stopped moving altogether, as I impatiently waited for dusk to arrive again, so I could see his face once more. I tried to sleep as much as I could, so that I would be able to be alert when he was here during the night, but it wasn't easy. Everytime I closed my eyes I could see his face, and when I tried to drift off I could only think about different scenarios where he and I were alone together away from the prying eyes of the night nurses who watched all the time to make sure the patients were doing as they should. I was sure it was only the fact that the nurses were as taken with the beauty of this mysterious Doctor as I was, that meant he got away with keeping me up all night in the first place.

Dusk arrived. but He did not. I waited growing more impatient with every passing second—where was he? why did he say that he was coming back if it wasn't true—I felt desolate—how could I be so upset?? I had only spent a small amount of time with him, but my stomach felt hot and panicky as I waited for him to appear. I had let him get under my skin, and I knew now that I was a foolish girl to believe that there was some connection between us, how could someone like him feel that way about a silly child like me. I was angry with myself for letting it happen. And the emotion brought hot tears to the corners of my eyes. I forced the tears back and tried to think about something else. Eventually I decided to ask the night nurse about him, and I climbed out of bed and walked out into the corridor struggling with my crutches. I asked the first nurse I saw, it was painful to move around and I winced as I struggled to her desk and asked if she knew anything about his whereabouts

"Dr. Cullen? He had to leave suddenly for his new job in Chicago. I'm afraid he wont be returning,—I could call Dr Parkinson if you are in pain? He can give you something?"

"No…Thank you…" I stumbled back to my bed, where I curled up in a ball and let her words sink in. wont be returning? What did this mean? it had felt so nice to be near him and I was sure he as enjoying being near me too….had I done something wrong? Was I not pretty enough for him? I couldn't believe he wasn't coming back, I felt short of breath and I realized I was crying, the hot tears streaming down my face. I don't know how long I lay there like that but I must have drifted off. I dreamed strange dreams of the man I was never going to see again, in which he kept telling me he had a secret he couldn't tell me, while flashing his teeth at me in a dark smile, and that he had no choice but to leave although he wished he could stay with me. I awoke with a start when I felt a cool fingertip graze my cheek.

I gasped as I opened my eyes and he was standing over me in the darkness. He looked like an Angel in the half light coming from the corridor. He knelt down beside my bed and whispered to me, so quietly, I could barely hear him.

"I'm sorry I didnt come to see you this evening, something …unexpected happened. I have to leave Columbus right away. I shouldn't even be here now, but I couldn't leave you thinking that I didn't care about you. Something passed between us yesterday. I know you felt it too. I want you to know that you have moved me in a way I have never known before. But I have many secrets in my life. Dangerous secrets, I am not… who you think I am…and sometimes when someone seems to be getting close to discovering my secrets, I have to take Action to protect myself. I have to get away right now. I was leaving soon anyway but recent… events have forced my hand. There is work in Chicago, I will head there for now, and begin again. I am sorry to leave you here like this, when we were on the verge of becoming…friends. Believe me if there were any choice at all I would take it. I'm sorry, Esme. He touched my face once more and I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand. Then I felt a small stirring in the air around me and when I opened my eyes he was gone. It was over. Before it had even begun. I struggled to make sense of his words. I could not. There was no sense to comfort me in the bitter dark.

I didn't know it then, but I had just met the man I was destined to spend Eternity with. And it would be nearly ten years before I saw him again.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N so here is the second chapter—I hope you are enjoying it—it's a little slow at he moment but I needed to get Esme's story down--- some Edward coming soon too for any team Edwardians out there—I love him to bits so I had to let him have his say—he's a new vamp too so a little more wreckless than the Edward we know and love from the saga—please review if you like it—I would love to know what you think and any ideas you might want to see in here somewhere. I will pot chapter 3 as soon as I can get it down!!

I don't own any of these characters; they are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I am just fooling around with them ;)

Chapter 2.

My life continued in the same way as it had before my brief stint in the hospital that summer. My Leg healed and I went back to the mundane day, to day, monotony of my world. I was different now though. My Handsome Doctor was always in my heart, and my head, I daydreamed about him constantly, and dreamed of running away to find him. I was too afraid though. As time passed the whole episode became more dreamlike to me. I struggled to remember his face and voice—it was fading away. My mother worried over me, fretting that I had become melancholy, and that I would never be the same again. She guessed that I was heartsick over the Doctor. I overheard her discussing me with her friend in the parlor one day.

" I don't know what to do with her, she's just not the same girl since she had to stay in the hospital, I think she took a liking to that handsome Doctor, and then he upped and left, just like that. I hope he didn't have his way with her, and… damage her…she won't talk about it though. How will she find a husband if she wont talk to anyone?" she whispered to her friend. I wondered why she didn't realise that her voice would carry right in to the kitchen where I sat sewing. I sighed, and cleared away the quilt I was working on. I would have to do a better Job at pretending to be fine. I loved my mother and didn't want her to worry. I made up my mind to get on with my life. My beautiful doctor would never return and I could not pine for him any longer.

Time passed an I found I was able to push my feelings deep inside me, and I only thought about him in the dark watches of the night when I allowed myself to imagine how things could have been if he had not disappeared into the night, like a dream vanishing upon waking.

In 1916 Shortly after my 21st birthday, I began courting Charlie Evenson. He was working as a farmer near to my house, and though I hadn't seen much of him in the intervening years since my encounter with Carlisle, we still spoke on occasion. He had grown into a Handsome man. And the mean streak he had shown when we were younger was all but gone. I was not in love with him, but I didn't mind his company and I resigned myself to the fact that no one would ever measure up to my mysterious doctor. So I ought to make the bet of what was handed to me. My parents approved and encouraged the pairing. With him in my life It was easier to forget the things that might have been, and focus instead on making a future for myself. When America joined the War In Europe, in April of 1917, we realised that Charlie may get drafted to the front line, and our parents decided that we should marry. It was a small affair, and we spent our wedding night in the small cottage that my father had rented for us. I very quickly realised that I was wrong about the mean streak being gone. The face I saw when we closed the door that night, was very different to the one he had shown me up until that day. The mean glint in his eye as he took in my figure while I removed my dress, made me shudder. When he called me to him, I almost couldn't take the few steps over to the bed. I knew what a wife was supposed to do on this night, and I had been strangely excited and scared about it, all at the same time. But now as I stood before his greedy eyes, fear won out as the dominant emotion.

"Come here wife. You have a duty to perform." He chuckled darkly. His eyes filled with lust and menace. I took a deep breath and walked over to him. He grasped my shoulders, digging his calloused fingers into my soft flesh, and kissed me roughly.

" I have wanted you for so long." The way he said the words, with a greedy possessiveness scared me more than his eyes. "And now I have you…I can do whatever I want to you." The accompanying smile was a leer. I could smell the whisky strong on his breath, as he began to fumble with my corset and petticoats. He ripped the scanty garments from my body and thrust me backwards onto the bed. The next hours were excruciating and terrifying. When he finally collapsed, spent, on the bed next to me I curled up onto my side and cried silent tears into the rumpled, bloodstained coverlet. I felt utterly wretched and alone. When I spoke to my mother about his behavior, she told me I was overreacting and that a woman's Life was never an easy one. She counseled me to be a good wife and Keep quiet about my reluctance, telling me that I would get used to it eventually and that it would hurt less as time passed. I struggled to see anyway that grasping fingers, and biting teeth, on the softest, most delicate parts of me would ever hurt less. But I tried to be a good wife and I found that if I meticulously kept to his orders, then he was easier to be around. His meals had to be ready on time and the house kept spotless. I sometimes wished that I could have been a mind reader, so as to get everything perfect for him before he needed to "teach" me how it should be done, in his own special way. If mistakes were made, his retribution was swift and harsh. He beat me in the kitchen, and raped me in the bedroom, and largely ignored me everywhere else, unless he wanted something.

In late 1917, after the most sad and difficult months of my life had reawakened my longing for my lost angel, Charlie was drafted to Europe to fight in the war. I was exultant; I could barely hide my relief at being freed from my hellish life with him. I had heard that few returned from the frontline and I imagined my future as a war widow—I would escape and begin the teaching career I had dreamed of. My father was no longer my Keeper. My father had given me away to this cruel man. And now he was going away! I was free. I began to plan my life.

As I packed him off to war, feigning distress at his going, he turned to me, an evil glint in hi eye, which I had come to know so well.

"I will return to you, my wife." He sneered "Death himself could not keep me from you." And I knew it was a promise. His eyes roamed up and down my body and he pulled me in to kiss me hard on the mouth. And while his face was still close to mine he left me a parting threat.

"and Don't you forget who your master is now. Keep your legs closed while I'm gone, slut, If I can smell another on you when I return I'll beat you till you're deader'n'dead." He snarled in my ear so that only I could hear him. He turned and headed down the lane toward the waiting cat that was taking all the draftees to the harbor. As I watched him go I knew that he was telling the truth. He would come back. Whatever it took.

Time passed and I fell into my daily life, silently hoping he would never come back and did the only thing I could do. Wait. And act. All my friends were so desperate for their husbands to return. I thought I had better behave that way too. It seemed that, as peaceful as my life was without him, it was streaking by too quickly. Seasons sped past me at light speed and then, when we heard news that the war was over in Europe, and that our hero's would be back by the next spring the air of celebration around me was almost too much to bear—I couldn't join in their happiness. I wanted to mourn. I was terrified. I reasoned that he might have changed by being in all the suffering of a war, that it might have taught him some humility. But in the back of my mind disturbing ideas percolated, about the new ways to inflict pain he might have encountered in his tour of duty.

The holidays passed in a blur and before I could stand it, he was back, and I found my fears about him becoming even more cruel and twisted from his stint as a soldier, confirmed ten fold. There was a new edge to him now, a threatening menace in his eyes that made me fear for my life. He had tasted the thrill of killing, and it had been something he had enjoyed immensely. Now and then I would catch him looking at me out of the corner of his eye and I felt sure he was planning ways to end my life. I believed that, if I hadn't been of use to him as a plaything and servant then my days would have been nearing their end. His time away from female company had only served to make him more demanding in the bedroom. Every night he would advance on me, his lecherous grin making my blood run cold as he approached, bearing down on me. He had come back from war with the notion that he was invincible, and that someone like him deserved a son and heir.

"Make sure you give me a son, though, woman. I don't want no more FE-males around here, smelling the place up. If it's a girl then I'll slit its throat." He warned me.

His persistence paid off and in the fall of 1920, I felt a small fluttering sensation in my swollen belly. I knew that I was carrying his child, though I had not let him find out. And in that second, when I felt my baby moving inside me, a fierce surge of love washed over me, and I knew that I could not allow this man to ever lay his hands on my baby. I waited until he had passed out with the drink that night- I had been particularly attentive in re-filling his cup as we sat in the parlor and silently watched the fire in the grate burn away to nothing. After he had had his nightly taste of me, he quickly began to snore loudly and I knew that he would be out for at least 10 hours. I crept out in to the scullery and got the bag I had packed and hidden just after I felt my child inside me. I opened the latch and slipped out into the night. I had a little money saved up and I made my way to my cousin's house in Milwaukee. I stayed with her for a short while, as my pregnancy progressed, and I was fairly happy, but I knew that I needed to find a place for myself. It was a few weeks later when I discovered that my parents had heard of my whereabouts and planned to come and fetch me back to my Husband and my hellish existence. I headed north to a small settlement just outside a town called Ashland. It was easy to blend in. To become just another war widow, and I took a teaching post in the local school there, and found lodgings. I tentatively began to feel like things were looking up. I wasn't truly happy but I sensed it was a possibility. As my baby grew, so the ache in my heart shrank till it was just a sad memory. I should have known it couldn't last.

A few months later my son was born, but he was sickly and the doctors feared he would not survive the night. I think it was my sheer will power that kept him breathing for a few more days. I couldn't stand it, watching him fade away, struggling for breath. The pain I felt in his coming demise was acute, and, as I sat in the warm room watching the small bundle in my arms slip away I knew I would soon follow him. I despaired at the hand that life had dealt me. It was not a hard choice. I didn't have one single thing to live for. Everything I had ever wanted was not to be mine—there would be no happily ever after for me. I was twenty six years old and my life was over. all meaning fading away with the final breaths of the child in my arms. My child. My Love. My life. Over.

I don't know how long it was that I clung to my sons cooling body but when the nurse tried to take him from me, it was like I was suddenly broken from a trance. I stood up and handed my beautiful son to her.

"He's gone." I whispered I leaned down to kiss him goodbye and then I walked out of the door. I did not look back. I walked out of the hospital and kept walking. I had no plan, and no clue which direction I was going in. After an indiscernible amount of time, it could have been minutes or days for all I could have told you, I simply reached the end of the land. That was it. There was a sheer drop in front of me I couldn't see anything below a few feet down in the dim light from the waning moon. I stepped off into nothing. As I fell my mind felt freed of all the pain it carried within it. The air rushing by, blew it away from me. I wasn't scared. I was happy and peaceful. As my body hit the ground there was one blinding, shattering moment of pain and then I was floating away. I thought I must be dead because there was no pain. I couldn't feel my body at all. I wondered why I was still able to think.

Maybe I was a ghost, but I couldn't see anything so that couldn't be right. surely ghosts must be able to see where they were going…I drifted in and out of coherent thought musing about where I was and what had happened to my body, and why I hadn't been taken up to heaven. I came back to reality with a large jolt of pain, when rough fingers began moving my broken limbs around, and jostling me where I lay. I realized then that I was lying on something hard and cold and that I hurt very much. I wasn't dead. I was just hurt. So badly that I had drifted away –closed myself off from the pain. I wished I could do it again, this was too much to bear. I tried to cry out but I couldn't speak or make any sound. I couldn't open my eyes or move any part of my body there was a sickening crunch in my neck and a white-hot sheet of pain and then only thudding agony in my head, I wondered vaguely if my head had fallen off my body. I heard voices around me talking in hurried tones.

"do you think she'll live?"…."I doubt it—her necks broke I think…straight to the morgue with this one –we're too busy to take her to a ward and have a doctor tell us what we already know" …"can you feel a heartbeat"… "nah she's already cold anyway…"

Blissfully I drifted again. And I was floating in cool water…was I dreaming? I couldn't tell, but I was peaceful and there was no pain anymore. As I floated I began to think about my doctor I could almost hear his voice in my ear…

"Esme? Is it really you?" How odd. It was a strange thing for my imaginary visitor to say. After all it was my imagination so obviously I would know. I felt a little irritated in this, one of my final moments my mind chose to come up with an unrealistic hallucination. How typical of me.

"Why have they brought you here, while your heart still beats?" the voice whispered. I tried to answer, but I couldn't find my mouth. It seemed that hearing was the only sense that I still possessed. If I was hearing, not imagining. And what did that mean? if I was hearing? Was it possible that he had come back for me –too late? now that I was on the verge of dying? The irony was not lost on me.

"I am going to save you my dear. It might hurt, but I promise I'll stay by your side and afterwards I will explain everything"

I felt my self being lifted and I was sure I must be floating up to heaven because I felt like I was flying. I lost coherent thought again and I was back in my cool water floating and drifting. Sudden warmth began to creep around my limbs and I realized I could feel myself again, my cool water was getting warmer… hotter even. It was too hot, uncomfortably so… I found I could move my fingers and I heard a new voice—smooth and quiet, like velvet, nearby me…

"Carlisle, she's moving…come quickly" the voice said. Carlisle. The voice had said Carlisle. Despite the pain, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. He was here. My Dark Angel had returned. It took me less than a millisecond to have this thought but in that time the water had become unbearably hot around me. I was boiling alive. I tried to find my voice. I had to tell him to get me out of the water. But it was nowhere. I found my eyes though, and forced my lids to open. I was in a small room, lying in a bed. And two men were standing over me. One was a strikingly handsome young man with tousled bronze hair and the same strange golden eyes I remembered so well. And the other was Him. I gasped out the words before I even realized I had found my voice.

"You're…Here" I gasped.

"Yes my dear, I'm here. Rest now. I'm not leaving. Ill never leave you again my beautiful Esme" as he spoke the words I felt the burning water seep into my body and my bones caught fire. Every part of me was aflame. It must have been my own screaming I could hear, but I couldn't make myself stop. I slipped into the fire and felt myself burning away. My thoughts jumbled and disjointed. This continued for what felt like eternity. I forgot all about Carlisle, and his young friend. And I knew that I had gone to hell and was burning for my sins.


	3. Chapter 3

_**I don't own any of these characters; they are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I am just fooling around with them ;)**_

Chapter 3

I burned for Eons of time before I was able to even try to think clearly. And my first solid thought, was that I had been able to see before. I pushed the burning pain to the back of my mind, and opened my eyes again. He was there. Just as he'd said he would be. He took my hand in his and began to speak to me in a calm quiet tone. He reminded me of our conversation all those years ago when he had told me of his secrets. I remembered it word for word. He needn't of reminded me, but I didn't tell him –I was scared if I tried to speak again then I would start up with the screaming once more, and I wanted to hear what he was going to say. All the time he was speaking I could feel the fire dimming in the tips of my fingers –it was still excruciating, but I found I was able to put it to the side, to think around it, while I concentrated on his voice. He told me what he was. What I was becoming. He told me that I was dying, and if he hadn't done this to me I would have been gone. He told me he was sorry, and that he did it because he was selfish and wanted the chance to have the friendship that had almost begun when I was 16. He told me that he had never forgotten me and had thought of me often. He explained that he didn't kill humans and if I wanted to stay with him, and Edward, as he'd told me his companion was called, then they would take care of me and help me to adapt to my new life. The pain was slowly fading, and I let myself drift as his hypnotic voice told me tales of the world I was going to be reborn into.

Time passed. Later, as the fire was dimming in my limbs, and slowly closing in on my heart, it beats becoming lower and heavier, I became aware that I could hear everything much more clearly than before. The sound of horses' hooves out side in the street, people talking about mundane things. I could hear insects walking on the floorboards, stomping like elephants. I could hear a clock ticking, it was so loud it was difficult to ignore. I began to measure the burn with it. Tick, tick, tick, it was up past my elbows and knees. Tick, tick, tick, it was creeping higher, more ticks, a hundred, a thousand…my arms and legs were free of the molten rock pulsing though my decimated veins… but it came at a price. The heat in my torso burned white hot and I felt sure I would burn away to nothing, I was writhing in the agony and I felt a cool hand on my face and soothing words in my ear. My Angels voice sounded fraught with worry.

"My Dear, it is almost over. I'm so sorry to have caused you this pain! I would take it from you and endure it myself if I could!"

And then Edwards voice, " No, Carlisle you did the best you could have done…No… Of course…she will understand, and she won't blame you...I don't blame you either Carlisle. Peace. It will be over soon—the pain is growing more concentrated, and she is able to think more clearly now—her senses are sharpened" Edwards words confused me a little. It was like they were having a conversation, without Carlisle saying his parts…and how did he know about my pain? Had I said anything out loud? And my senses? Edward chuckled.

"Edward? Are you reading her mind?" He sounded amused and intrigued. I was shocked. Edward chuckled again.

"She is surprised that I can read her mind. Hello Esme"

Hello Edward I thought at him. This was strange…but I guess it was the day for strange.

"How are you feeling?"

I'm Hot, I'm burning up—are you sure that its meant to hurt this much—maybe it didn't work right?

Edward relayed this to Carlisle.

"No, It is that bad I'm afraid but its nearly over now, the venom is centering around your heart, the pain will shrink until your heart stops beating and then you will be …Vampire."

I tried to take in his words…the unreality of the last few hours of my life—those hours that I was aware of anyway…this thought led to another, I didn't know what day it was…It had been Thursday night when my child had slipped away…I ran over the events of that night in my mind and winced at the fresh pain of remembering—I had wanted to die...but the memories had a dreamlike quality, like I was losing them. I heard Edward gasp and I turned my thoughts back to the present.

"Carlisle! I just saw why she was dying…. she was committing suicide—a child…she had lost her baby—she jumped off the cliff—she didn't fall, Carlisle, she jumped…she wanted to Die!" Edward seemed distressed. Was that why it was hurting so much? It was a sin to take your own life, maybe hell was trying to claim me still.

"No Esme. It's alright, honestly, I just had a strong reaction to your thoughts, your memories, they were so painful…It reminded me of my mother…I lost her …recently…I'm still getting used to this mind reading thing, it can be overwhelming at times." While we had been…communicating, I had begun to get the pain under control again and I found I was able to open my eyes. I saw them both then, sitting at my bedside. My new family. I saw Carlisle gazing down at me, sadness in his beautiful eyes. My night angel, returned to me. And I saw Edward staring into the middle distance, deep in thought, a frown creasing his perfect features. I felt a surge of fondness for him. I knew with every fiber of my being that this was where I belonged. I was home.

I lay gazing at them, counting off the seconds with the tick of the clock, my heartbeats counted down, louder and slower. I wondered idly why they were both so still. Surely someone must speak or move soon…or had time slowed down for me? And what felt like hours was really only a portion of a second? While I pondered this, I felt the fire accelerate towards my heart, it began to shrink and intensify even more, and then, my back arching involuntarily, the heat screeched into the center my heart. I felt it stutter, beat once, and then it was silent. I stayed perfectly still, not sure how to breathe. I sucked in a gasping lungful of air, but I felt no relief. I sat up, the movement so fast that I almost missed it. It felt odd to be so fast, I couldn't predict my movements and before I knew I had moved I was standing on the other side of the room. Carlisle and Edward were standing across the room, crouching and taking careful steps towards me with their hands in front of them in a calming gesture. How odd. They were acting as though I was dangerous.

"Esme try to come back over here a sit down, we need to talk a little, and explain a few things to you." Carlisle said, his tone soothing.

"My throat is hurting, it's so dry." I said in a voice that was not mine…It was the voice of a siren, clear and beautiful.

"That's one of the things we need to talk about. Please sit." He gestured to the small chaise next to the bed in which I had burned.

"I don't know if you can recall the things I talked to you about while you were…sick. But I am going to talk to you about it again now. And you can ask me any questions you have. Can you tell me what you remember?"

"This I why you had to leave Columbus so quickly wasn't it? Because someone had learned your secret. Why didn't you take me with you then? You left me there!! I have spent my life pining over you, and you were off being a vampire! I mean, you are a vampire! Why would you just leave me there? You could have just taken me with you then! Why didn't you? Why do you want me now, but not then?" I demanded. I wasn't sure where my outburst had come from and felt instantly ashamed of myself. He had saved me, and given me a new life. " I'm Sorry I shouldn't have ...I don't know what came over me …I am grateful you have found me and saved me. I just wish you had taken me with you then. I have had nothing but heartache since the day that I met you. I have longed to see you again" I felt as though I wanted to cry but the bitter sting in my eyes yielded no tears.

"No need to apologize, It was unfair of me to allow us to bond as we did, and I am truly sorry that you have been unhappy, I had no Idea. Or I assure I would have done anything I could, to have changed that. I knew that I could not pursue the friendship because of what I was. I could never have taken your life that way, I only was able to do it now because you were just barely alive. If I could have saved you, and kept you human, I would have. And I would have left again. So you could carry on with your life."

"Hmmph some life. I was never going to be happy without you Carlisle, no one ever measured up to my precious doctor. I was meant to be with you. I knew it the first moment I saw you. I thought that you knew it too." I looked down at my hands…noticing for the first time my strange milky white skin, my hands looked different too more defined, my fingernails were sharp and strong.

"I did know it. But I still could not have taken away your life that way, I have never killed a human who was not on the very knife edge of death and even then only once before you." He glanced at Edward who was standing silently on the other side of the room. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't do it" He looked down. I felt sad that we were talking about these matters right now. I had gone over the moment of our reunion a million times in my mind the past ten years, and not one of those imaginings involved having this conversation. As his words sank in something stood out in my mind. Never killed a human. Of course. He had told me that he and Edward didn't consume human blood. Grateful for the change of subject I asked him to expand on this—I was beginning to understand the feeling in my throat and I realized I was very thirsty, but if not water or, and I cringed at the thought, human blood, then what could I drink?

" What do you drink. If you don't drink blood?" I asked.

"We do drink blood my dear." He smiled as he spoke. "Animal blood."

Oh. Ok then I could handle that. Had I not eaten a bloody steak, or a rare piece of lamb?

"Well, if it's alright, then I would love to get something to drink."

" We can't go out just yet the sun is shining today and—" He was interrupted by Edward whose statue like visage had suddenly come to life.

" We have to show her. She'll like that part of what we are, she appreciates…beauty" he enthused

"Show me what?"

"When I mentioned the sunlight a moment ago, I imagined what you would look like in the sun, Edward saw the picture in my head and he thinks you would like to see it too." Carlisle explained.

"We can go onto the roof terrace." Edward suggested.

"Yes that's a lovely Idea, should we bring the mirror?"

"Oh yes, I think so." Edward was smiling now, a beautiful crooked smile that I knew I would love to see often. I felt that same fondness for him, that I had felt earlier. It was different to the way I felt when I looked at Carlisle. I wasn't attracted to Edward…It was something else…something I recognized but couldn't place.

"I need to warn you before we do this, when you see yourself you will be shocked. You look very different now…more like Edward and myself…but you will have different eyes to us. Our eyes get their golden hue from the animal blood we survive on. Our more traditional…cousins if you will, who survive on the blood of humans have a different colour in their eyes, its more of a deep red. Because of the blood you see, the human blood it makes the eyes stay red, and right now your body is full of human blood. Yours are bright red.. Please try not to be startled by this when you see your reflection. If you choose our path then your eyes will turn golden like ours in a few months."

"Hang on a second, I thought that vampires couldn't be seen in a mirror…and you said we were going into the sunlight—wont that burn us? I can't stand to burn again!"

"All myths my dear. We can go outside, although it is inadvisable to do so when there are any humans present, we are somewhat conspicuous when the sun hits our skin. And our reflection is as any humans would be. We can also be near Garlic and look at crosses, and touch holy water. Indeed, I am a man of faith, and I own a large cross, a relic, from my human life. Oh and the stake through the heart could not damage you. In fact you are nigh impossible to kill now. You will never grow old and die as a human would. You are an Immortal now. The things you have read and heard about vampires, are merely stories concocted to make the humans feel safe."

"Are there many? Like you, I mean that don't kill humans?" I asked.

"I am the only one I know of that made this choice without any outside influence…When I changed Edward, I gave him the choice I offer you. You are both free to choose the other path at any time, of course. But Edward has chosen to stay with me thus far. And I am honored to call him my friend...more than that. He is a son to me now and I love him as such." He smiled at Edward and the boys answering smile lit up his face. He obviously returned the sentiment.

" And that choice is to stay with you and survive on animal blood, or to go my own way and kill people. Well, it's not much of a choice is it? Of course I want to stay with you Carlisle, I have been waiting for you for ten years, there's no way you're ditching me this time." I smiled at him. He smiled back.

"Thank you Esme. I'm so happy that you wish to stay, but its not as simple as it may seem, you haven't hunted yet and you have never caught the scent of a human. Its hard to resist them when you can smell their blood, and an animal is not quite the same -- from your human life, what was the worst food you can remember?" he pressed

I answered without hesitation "Butternut squash, we used to grow them on our farm, and when the harvest was done, any that weren't a good shape used to come into our kitchen, we would live on it for weeks, cooked in as many different ways as you can imagine—ugh, it was so disgusting."

"Well, A vampire living on Animal blood is like a human only ever eating Butternut squash. It fills you and gives you strength, but it never completely sates the thirst and it is excruciatingly boring. Each human has their own scent you see, their own distinctive flavor, and there is endless variety. Animals mostly taste the same, except the larger predators, they tend to taste closer to a human I imagine. So I would wait and see how you feel about it later on after you have hunted. You need to taste the blood we live on and decide if you can live without…your natural diet. Then we will talk about your choices."

I nodded my assent. But in my head I knew I would do whatever it took to stay with Carlisle. I saw Edward smirk at me out of the corner of my eye and I knew that he was reading my thoughts. How strange to have no privacy inside my head. He looked up at me then and there was apology in his eyes, I shook my head and smiled at him. I wanted to reach out and touch him to let him know that I didn't mind, I didn't want him to feel bad. I felt the now familiar surge of affection towards him and with a jolt I realized it was a maternal feeling, I had felt it before, on a much sadder day. It was so vague now, that time, that it might have been years ago. I felt a pull towards Edward and I understood that I was going to be as good for this tortured looking young man, as he was for the bereft mother inside me. I could see the sadness in his soul, and I decided at that moment that I would care for him as though he were my child, after all I was meant to be a mother right now, and he was meant to have a mother, so why shouldn't I give my affection to him, he looked as though he needed it. He obviously cared for Carlisle and looked up to him, but he also looked a little lost. It was a strange thing, to feel so sure about something like this so suddenly, but it felt right. I made up my mind that I was going to care for them both like a mother, and …wife –I felt a little bashful thinking that, but Edward gave no reaction, so perhaps he was trying to spare my embarrassment. Carlisle had made no mention of me staying with him as his wife, I wasn't sure what our relationship was to be honest, I knew that I had always longed for him to return and I had believed him my long lost love, but now that I was here with him, he gave nothing away. I wasn't totally sure how he felt about me, was I just a companion? Or would it one day be something more. I couldn't tell. So I would just care for them both and see how things turned out. At least I was here with him. I felt a rush of excitement through my body when I thought about it, I was never going to grow old or die, and I was immortal! I had all eternity with these two!! , My little family, I had my dream at last. I imagined our home, and how beautiful I could make it. I couldn't believe my fortunes had changed so much, I was at rock bottom, ready to die, and then my Angel returned and brought me here to my new slice of heaven. My only sadness was the pain that still held fast from losing my child, even though the memory of his face was becoming blurry and indistinct. All my human memories seemed that way, as if they were veiled in some dusty material that obscured and twisted the images. Portions of a second had passed while all this ran through my mind, and at that moment Carlisle stood up and went to the dresser to fetch me some more suitable garments, I was wearing a night gown that I didn't recognize and I guessed that someone had changed me into it while I was unaware. He pulled a screen across in front of where I sat and he and Edward moved away so I could dress in privacy. I stood and began to remove the gown, and as I did I marveled at my body, it was toned and hard and more muscular that before, my breasts had stayed the same size as they had been when they were filled with the milk that my child could not drink, and this pleased me, but all the other changes that had happened to my body while I carried and gave birth to my child were gone, I was intact again, as I had been before my wedding night, before I was ravaged by Charlie, all the scars from his teeth and hands gone. I stretched my limbs and could feel the strength coursing through me, I felt pent up energy in my muscles and I began to anticipate escaping the confines of the room, this brought back the thirst to the front of my mind and I dressed quickly, eager to occupy myself until we could go out to hunt.

"I'm done" I stepped out from behind the screen, and both men stood up as I did so. Edward picked up a bulky, sheet-adorned object from the corner of the room and Carlisle cocked his elbow at me inviting me to put my arm in his.

"Shall we?" and we walked out of the door and up the stairs. A door opened onto a small roof garden with high walls of a red brick around it and many beautiful flowers growing in large pots around the edges. The sun was high in the sky and as we stepped out into I understood why they could not allow themselves to be seen by a human, their skin was shining and glittering in the sunlight like they were million faceted diamonds cut into human form. They were breathtaking. I realized with a burst of excitement that I too must look like this and I looked down at my hands and saw that I sparkled too just like them. Edward pulled the sheet from the object he had brought with us and unveiled a large mirror in an ornate gilt-edged frame.

"Are you ready Esme?" he asked as he held the mirror just out of my line of sight. I took a pointless deep breath and prepared to see what I had become.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Ok so this ones a bit longer than the rest—I had to reign myself in—It could have gone on and on!! I am SO excited to write the next chapter!!!!! Please please please read and review, and ill get chapter 5 up ASAP!!!

As I turned towards the mirror that Edward was holding up in front of me, I squeezed my eyes shut. I was scared that I would look too different, and lose my sense of self completely, but when I opened them a few moments later, I was pleasantly surprised by what I saw. I was breathtaking, and I knew that I was meant for this life. My face was perfected, although pale, I didn't like my red eyes, but Carlisle had told me that they would change with time. I knew that I wanted to stay with these two and learn to live in their way. I felt almost complete. I wondered whether the sense of well being I was feeling was a part of the transformation. I knew I should be grieving for my lost child, and my human life that was now over. But I couldn't shake the euphoric sensation that was coursing through my being. I felt elated, and in my reflection, I could see a smile breaking out around the sides of my mouth and the dimples in my cheeks, that had been a part of my smile since I was a child, trying to appear in my perfect alabaster skin. My hair was thicker and fuller too, its dull brown transformed into a rich, shiny, caramel cascading in waves down my back.

"You 're beautiful." Carlisle said simply to me. I smiled at him and his arm tightened around my waist. I felt as though my heart, had It still been beating, would have skipped one at his touch, and Edward turned his face a way from me, I was sure, to conceal a smile. How was I going to get used to this mind reading gift of his? I was unable to control the thoughts that kept surfacing in my mind about Carlisle, I had longed for him for so long that it was not easy to try and suppress those feelings. The fact that Edward could also read carlisle's mind had not escaped my notice either. I didn't want to make things difficult or awkward with my new family, but I could not deny the attraction I was feeling towards him, it was all I could do to stop myself from pressing my body against his in a way that should have been illegal, as he stood beside me, his reassuring hand nestled gently on my waist. Edward suppressed another smirk, and broke the tension by speaking to us both with a crooked grin on his perfect face.

" I think we could risk going out to the reserve now, and doing a spot of hunting, the rain has started to come down heavier in the valley and the humans will be staying indoors. also the clouds are much thicker now, so it should be fine." He said.

" Of course, Edward, you are right, it has been far too long we have tarried here, Esme you must be so thirsty, it has been unfair to make you wait to feed, if there had been any other way..." He trailed off, sadness in his eyes.

"Why do you seem unhappy? I'm Fine, really, I had barely thought of it until Edward mentioned it just now, Really its not too bad, I just have a dry ache in my throat,. Its not too uncomfortable." I tried to ease his discomfort, I couldn't understand why he seemed unhappy, I was so buoyant, but seeing him looking unhappy caused a pang of sadness in me too.

"I just feel responsible for making sure that the transition is a smooth as possible. I never fed on any blood, not even animal blood for a long time after I was changed. I was determined to starve my self. I did not have anyone nearby to help me. I remember how hard it was, and, as I am the one who did this to you, I want to make it as easy as possible. And Edward tells me that I got side tracked when he was newborn, too. And then left him too long and in discomfort after he was changed." Edward nodded in agreement, and began to head back indoors to prepare to leave for the hunting trip. When he was gone, Carlisle began to speak once more.

" I have never fed on a human. I have only tasted human blood twice in my life. First when I saved Edward, in 1918, 4 years ago, and second when I saved you. 4 days ago.

I don't even crave it anymore, it's been so long, almost 270 years. And I have always found Animal blood to be satisfying enough. But I don't measure thirst in the same way that Edward does. He …struggles more with sticking to just animal blood. I worry that one day he will have a mishap, and kill a human. In fact, as you have probably noticed, we were packing up to leave again, and start over in a new place…a less populated place… when I found you in the morgue at the hospital, we were ready to go the next day, but, we have delayed our leaving to give you time to adjust before we travel. We are headed north, to a small town in New York state called Rochester, we have a small house to move to, in an out of the way area, near a new reservoir that has been built, to provide clean drinking water for the town. But its like an open lake and a few people have fallen into it and drowned since it was built in 1908, and this keeps humans away, so its perfect for us, and there's an easy way to explain any…slip ups, that may occur. We can stay there for a decade or so before anyone will begin to notice that I'm not ageing. I have secured a nighttime job in the local hospital there. And you and Edward will be able to stay in the house and remain inconspicuous, until you are better able to spend time around humans. But first, I think we should spend a little time away from the human populace completely for a few months. We can go to Alaska where there are so few humans that it wont matter too much." When he had finished speaking he smiled at me again and took my hand to lead me back inside.

"But isn't that going to be terribly cold—Isn't it snowy all year round in Alaska?" I asked him and he laughed out loud.

"No, no, my dear, it wont be cold to you. You will never feel the cold again. However you are cold to humans now, if you were to touch a humans skin you would feel very cold and hard to them, like a living stone." At his words the vague fuzzy memory of his fingers on my skin all those years ago surfaced in my head, and a fluttering sensation started up in my stomach, as I remembered how captivated I had been with him. How captivated I still was. And I got to stay with him now. I smiled inwardly. Admittedly, he hadn't shown any signs of his attraction to me, but hadn't he said, while I was burning that he had felt that connection? And thought of me often? Maybe he didn't feel the same, now that I was a vampire like him. Perhaps he only liked humans. I felt a longing ache at my center when I imagined him going off and finding a human love, and the thought was so unbearable, that I felt a new agony at the loss of my humanity and I felt myself shying away from it, refusing to let it into the forefront of my mind. I would not think of it. I was determined that I was going be the only girl in my Angel's life. Vampire or otherwise.

When Carlisle and I entered the room where Edward was re hanging the mirror, He turned to greet us with a wide smile on his face and I noticed that his eyes were a darker shade than they had been earlier. I made a mental note to ask about this later but as the reality of the need to hunt overtook me, I forgot about everything else.

"Lets go!" Edward said enthusiastically, a new excitement animated his features, and with a shudder I realized what the maniacal glint in his eye meant—he was excited that we were going to hunt. In the same split second that I realized this, I also realized that my shudder was not one of revulsion…but anticipation. I was eager to feel the hot wetness of Blood dampen the fire in my throat, and taste the blood that was to sustain me from now on.

"Are you ready to run, Esme?" Carlisle said with a smile.

"This is one of the perks." Edward added, already heading out of the door, I hesitated, feeling a little apprehensive; I had never really run since I was 16. Since before I had met Carlisle for the first time. My parents had not considered it a ladylike pastime, and I was sure I would not be able to keep up. But as I was thinking it, I felt warmth flood my limbs, like the adrenaline I had felt when I was human, and the strength flowing through my limbs became an itch that was screaming to be scratched. I headed out of the door just in time to see Edward disappear in a blur of colour. He left the grass and leaves in the small garden that led to the forest behind the house, trembling in the breeze from his passing. I looked at Carlisle who was standing with his hand extended towards me, an expectant look on his face. I took his hand in mine and he gave me a gentle squeeze of encouragement. And then we took off. It was exhilarating, the feel of the wind in my hair and against my skin was electric, I was on fire with a fierce delight, I never wanted to stop, I wasn't tiring at all, and I could feel the miles disappearing behind me. I could feel Carlisle's hand in mine and was overcome with a sense of completeness, no matter the nature of our relationship, I knew that this was where I was meant to be, at this angels side. I felt like we had only been running for mere seconds when Carlisle pulled me to a stop at his side and I could see Edward running back towards us.

"There's a herd of Deer up ahead, if we veer to the left in about 100 yards we should hit the scent." confirmed Edward. As he spoke, the burn in my throat kicked up a gear in anticipation. We continued walking at a slow pace, and after we had gone a short way Carlisle turned to me and took both my hands in his. When he spoke his voice was soft and beautiful as always, but I could detect a hint of finality as though this was some kind of moment of truth. I supposed he was right, and I felt a brief moment of fear--what if I couldn't take the animal blood? What then? Would he send me away if I was true to our shared nature? I didn't think I could bear to lose him, or Edward, now. Even in this short time of being with them, they were already vital to my peace of mind.

My train of thought was interrupted by a warm, earthy scent, it was mixed with the damp smell of the rain and it wasn't exactly an appetizing idea, but I thought it must be the thing they were expecting me to feed on, because I saw an exchanged glance in my peripheral vision, as they both registered my reaction to the scent, and then, after that, I didn't notice much else , I pulled my hands from Carlisle's grip and I felt my instincts take over as I honed in on the warm, wet, beating sound that came along with the smell, and I could feel my self crouching in to an animalistic pose. I was doing it. But not doing it, at the same time, it was like I had jumped into someone else's mind for a moment. I could hear a low rumbling sound and It took me a few seconds to realise that it was coming from me, all of a sudden the deer I was stalking came into view, standing at the edge of a stream lapping noisily at the water. I moved at the speed of a lightening bolt and in one blow the animal was down, And I was greedily guzzling at its wide fur covered neck. It tasted warm and salty and the mental images that filled my head as I drank were unhelpful to say the least, but I found that it eased the burning in my throat and I drank eagerly, like a man who had been lost in the desert, finding a well of ice cold water. As soon as I had drained it completely, I was back on my feet and stalking a second deer, a third. After I had drained the third and I could feel a sloshing inside me, I turned back to the others but they were nowhere to be seen, The sun was sinking on the horizon and the sky was growing a deep shade of purple. It was beautiful with my vampire eyes, a new dimension added to the view, but I had other things to think about, where had they gone? I called out to Carlisle and in an instant he was beside me, his hand at my waist. The relief I felt was a heady thing.

"Where did you go? I was scared!" I scolded him.

"I was never far my dear, you were in my sight all the time, I was keeping a close eye on you. I had to, incase you caught a human scent, and decided to follow it. I wouldn't want that to happen, unless you were prepared for it. But, sometimes they can wonder off the trail and end up closer than we realise, so, Edward and I were keeping a lookout. He explained. "So? How did you find your first hunt?" He added after a short pause.

"Very strange, I didn't feel like it was me doing it. It made my throat feel better, but I feel like I could drink twenty more animals blood, except that I feel full. Of liquid, it's a strange sensation."

"It will pass, normally three deer of the size you took down would be more than sufficient. Your body is full but the thirst still dominates your mind. After a few months the thirst becomes easier to control. As a newborn vampire you will be mainly governed by your thirst, It will be hard for you to control it, so we need to keep you near a healthy supply of large game, and away from the populace. Its easier to be around humans after a year or so…If that's still your choice."

Before I could confirm that I was definitely planning to stay with him whatever the hardship, Edward appeared at our side. And the pair began discussing some earlier plan that had been made, that I had not been privy to.

"Right. We shall stay here until you return, then I'm going to go out of state to bag a few big cats." A glint appeared in Edwards eye as he smiled his crooked smile at us.. Carlisle turned to me and took my hands in his for the second time. When his skin touched mine I felt chills run all over my body.

"I'm going to hunt quickly now, while you two wait here, and then Edward is going to find some predators, He's partial to meat eaters if he can get them. But he has to go out of state, so he'll be gone until tomorrow. We shall go back to the house and I can tell you about some of our history and answer any more questions you might have. Does that sound like something that you want to do? We can walk back slowly and look at the scenery, we leave for Alaska in a few days so this might be the last chance to see it…at least this time around, We can always return and live here in a few years when everyone who recognizes us has passed on." He and Edward laughed heartily at this and I guessed it was something they had joked about before, I tried to wrap my head around that for a second. Immortality. I was immortal. My euphoria was back again and the overwhelming sense of completeness and contentedness. I smiled a small smile to myself, But Edwards knowing looked reminded me that nothing was really just to myself anymore. Carlisle left then and Edward and I sat down on a log nearby to wait. Edward explained that we only sat down out of habit because we were such young vampires and the human traits we had frequently used in life would linger a while longer, without us having to try, but for Carlisle, these things had to be consciously carried out, so that he could blend in when he was at work. Edward told me that he was noticing, after 4 years of being a Vampire he was gradually forgetting them, and had to practice, so that Carlisle would let him go to school again.

"Sometimes I have to remind myself to blink or to move a little from time to time, fidget, you know? Carlisle says it will be harder to keep it up, if I let myself stop completely, and I really want to finish my education…now that I can stand to be near humans without wanting to hunt. They have night classes at the university in Rochester, and I want to study medicine, so that I can one day help Carlisle and work at the hospital. It brings Carlisle so much happiness, working there amongst the humans. I can see it in his mind, the peace it brings him. I want that too." I felt a pang of sadness for the boy sitting before me, to have been ripped from his human life, He was barely more than a child, with his tousled bronze hair and expressive golden eyes, I knew that he had lost his mother and that Carlisle had saved him from the brink of death as he had done with me, but that was all. I wanted to know him.

"Edward will you tell me about yourself? Tell me what happened to you. How come you ended up with Carlisle. You have seen my story, inside my head. I want to know yours."

"Yes. I will tell you. If you want to know. After I was changed I agonized over my memories and held onto them as best I could with blistering determination, had I not, I would not be able to recount much of my story. It slips further away all the time, Its good to speak it out loud it will help me to keep it clear in my mind. Soon my memory will be only of the telling, and no longer of the events as they were." There was a deep sadness in his eyes as he said this.

"I was born in 1901, and lived with my parents in our house in Chicago. My parents were well off, and we led a nice life. We had a large estate in an affluent area, and my parents were well thought of in society, my future was mapped out to attend the best schools and universities, I learned to play piano, and I read a lot, I was happy. Then In 1914 the Great War began, and I was eager to enlist, I wanted to go to Europe and join the battle. My ancestors were English and I wanted to fight too. I had grand ideas about being a soldier, and returning home a hero. But my father would not allow it. I was too young anyway at 14, and he would not hear of me lying about my age, as many of my friends were doing. So I was stuck at home dreaming of War. I was frustrated but I knew that there was no quick end to the conflict in sight, and I satisfied myself with the thought that I would eventually be old enough to defy my fathers decree and go anyway." He let out a harsh, cynical laugh. "I didn't even know what they were fighting for."

"In April of 1917, when America joined the war, I again crossed swords with my father. He didn't want me to go to 'slaughter' as he put it, for the sake of a war that was, in his eyes a fools errand. Where I saw glory and honor, he saw only blood and death." He paused and picked intently at a piece of twill on his trousers, a deep frown etched onto his perfectly angled features.

" We continued to argue over it, the subject began to colour every aspect of our lives, It crept into every conversation, ending in raised voices and sometimes fists, and, inevitably tears from my mother." His voice faltered a little when he mentioned her. After a steadying breath he continued.

"By the following spring, our relationship was under serious strain and our home was not a happy one. One afternoon, after a particularly venomous exchange, he took to his bed with a fever, complaining of pain in his head and chest. I went out and walked around for hours, cursing him for having the power to say whether or not I would go and put my name on the draftee list for our town.. Why should he object? When so many of my friends' fathers, were eager to send their young sons away in search of glory on the battlefield…I wished it. Right there. I wished he would die so I could do what I wanted, I was so angry with him…I thought that…I thought that I hated him." He let out another harsh laugh, and I reached out and took his hand.

"Later that night I returned home to find my mother in tears, and sending the maid to fetch a doctor. She said that he was dying. He couldn't breathe and the fever was raging out of control. I ran to his bedside, but he was incoherent, delirious. I told him I was sorry, that I wouldn't go. I would stay and go to school, anything, if he would just get well again, I would do whatever he said. The doctor came soon after and took him away to the hospital. There was no hope for him. It was the Spanish influenza. He was one of the first victims of the epidemic. He never regained consciousness. So Ill never know if he forgave me. There are no words to describe the wretchedness I felt when he slipped away." Another deep breath. I could tell he was reliving it. I felt guilty. I shouldn't have asked him to do this. He plucked the thought from my brain before I could say it aloud.

"No, I want to tell you. I want you to know me." He looked at me and squeezed my hand and smiled a shadow of his beautiful smile, before he began again.

"Not long after we buried him, as I boiled in the stew of my own guilt and sorrow, the crisis worsened around me. People dying. People losing their parents, children, wives…I didn't register it really. At first, I think I was too numb to care, and then, when I began to get sick, the despair was such, that I welcomed it. My mother cared for me at home, although she was sick herself, and eventually we were taken to the hospital. I remember thinking how pointless it seemed to move us, we were dead anyway. I had, in my delirium, come to terms with the fact that I was dying, and unformed ideas about meeting my father on the other side and making peace with him, and that comforted me in my cocoon of sickness. I could almost taste absolution. I remember Carlisle coming into the room where I had been put, in a place for those beyond help, and telling me that my mother was gone. I was too dehydrated to shed any tears, although the acuteness of my heartache reached a new, and dizzying height. It didn't help the fever and my condition worsened. My memories are vague of this time, like I'm seeing them from behind the veil of death, I could feel myself slipping away, my body slowing down, like a gramophone that needed to be wound. Then I was lifted up and I felt as though I was flying, I thought that death had found me. It was cold, and I could feel the air rushing past me and when I opened my eyes I saw that I was being carried across the rooftops at an inhuman speed by the same doctor that had told me about my mother dying. I thought that I must be hallucinating in my death throes, so I closed my eyes again. The next thing I can remember is a slashing pain at my throat, and I have some images of a room with a red chaise in the corner. And I remember the pain. The Burning, agonizing heat tearing through my body for hours. Writhing and screaming. I thought I was in Hell. That I was damned for wishing my father dead. Then later when the pain dimmed, Carlisle told me what I'd become. He said he was sorry and told me about his way of life. That was hard for me, I didn't enjoy the deer much at all, and I showed much less grace than you have." He smiled at me and I could sense that he was coming to the end of his story.

"And we shall have to discuss my days as a bloodthirsty, brattish, newborn vampire another time, Mountain lions are calling my name." He winked at me and looked in the other direction, as a second later Carlisle reappeared, his eyes the deep butterscotch I remembered from our first meeting all those years ago.

"I'll see you two tomorrow then." Edward looked at us both with a small smirk before adding "Have a nice evening" and then he was gone, and we were alone. I turned to face Carlisle, and he stood gazing at me with a small smile on his face. I smiled back at him.

"shall we walk?" he held out his arm, which I eagerly took, and we headed back the way we had come, arm in arm, and with butterflies dancing furiously in my stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

I don't own any of these characters; they are the property of Stephenie Meyer. I am just fooling around with them ;)

Chapter five. Alone at last.

We walked in silence for a while and I could feel a charge growing in the air between us As we approached a small wooded glade with a few large moss covered boulders in the corner, Carlisle stopped and turned to me.

"So. Let us talk for a while. Shall we?" he motioned to the natural benches the rocks formed in the corner of the clearing, so we went to them and sat down. Carlisle sat on my left and inclined his body towards me. I could smell his beautiful scent, more intense now than the way I remembered it. It was intoxicating. As I looked into his eyes, I felt again, as I had the first time our eyes met, that I was looking into his very soul, and the connection, that I had longed to feel again for all of my life, from the day I met him, was there, stronger and more intense than that first encounter. I don't know how long we sat, looking inside of one another, it could have been a portion of a second or a century, I didn't care. All I cared about was that I knew that it was real. That I hadn't imagined it. Or magnified its intensity in my foolish daydreams. He raised his hand and placed it on my cheek. I felt like flames of pleasure had burst to life inside my stomach, a heat starting in my toes and rushing over my body made me shiver involuntarily.

"I can't stand it any longer, you have to tell me if you want to stay with me, and live in my way! What have you chosen Esme? Can you live this half life, never fully sating your thirst?" he asked, and he looked at his hands. He seemed anxious about my reply.

"Yes, I have made a choice. I know how I want to spend my…is life the right word?" I wondered.

"It will suffice." He smiled at my confusion.

"Right. Life then. I have decided how I want to spend my life." I paused, searching his eyes for a clue that he wanted the same future as me. I threw all caution to the wind and plunged forward, laying my heart and emotions bare.

"I want to spend it with you. I want to be with you, Carlisle. I know you feel it too, we have something, some special bond. When your skin is touching mine I feel complete, I spent every moment of my pitiful existence before I…died, waiting for you to come back and take me away from my hell on earth. I fell in love with you that day. In the hospital. And it broke my heart when you went away. I never got over you. But now, now that I'm here with you, its healed again, even if it isn't beating anymore, I feel more alive now I'm with you than I've felt since the second you said goodbye. And ill do whatever it takes. Feed on whatever it takes to stay with you." A dry sob burst from my chest when I finished speaking, I was overcome with emotion, I was shaking with the tears I could not shed. I had gotten to my feet as I was talking and I put my hands over my face and tried to regain my composure. In an instant, he was beside me, moving my hands from my face and pulling me into his embrace. He kissed the top of my head, and hushed me until I stopped shaking. Then he took my face in his hands and gazed into my eyes again.

"I'm sorry…I just…" I stammered.

'Its ok, every emotion and sense is a little heightened right now, you'll be just fine." He soothed.

"Esme, If I live forever, I will never forgive myself for not checking up on you, and making sure you were happy and safe. I thought that one such as you, So beautiful, kind and pure, would only have a wonderful life full of joys and happiness that I could never have given you." He dropped his hands from my face and touched my hair tenderly, before taking my hands in his and continuing. "You told me, that night, in the hospital. You said "I want to get married, have lots of babies and make our home the most beautiful home in the state!" how could I take those dreams from you? A child is something I could never give you." He paused and stared off into the middle distance for a moment, as if choosing his words carefully before speaking again.

"As vampires, we are a little like living stone, basically un-changing. Sometimes in our existence, something can happen to make a change. A shock or a strong emotion, and when that happens, its permanent. There's no going back. When I laid eyes on you, I felt something shift inside me, as though my silent heart had tried to burst back into life. I should have left then. But I was so intrigued by you. I couldn't stay away. As we talked, that night, I knew that every second I stayed near you, I was a step closer to becoming the monster I always worked so hard to suppress. I was lonely, you see, I so wanted a companion, someone who could know who I really was and share eternity with me. And when I saw you and began to feel drawn to you, a more powerful feeling than I had ever experienced in all my 260 years. I wanted to keep you. But to do it, would have meant taking your life. So, I made up my mind to leave sooner than I had planned, to go before I caused you any pain, or took your life, but at the last moment I was drawn back to you again. After I had said goodbye to you, I watched from a distance for a while, to be sure you were ok, but the pull of you was too much to bear, I knew that I would weaken and take your life away in the end, so I went away and stayed far from Columbus, I tried to forget. Not easy for a vampire, and the loneliness I had felt before was ten fold. In the aftermath of our meeting. I distracted my self with more study, and then when the epidemic came, I was always busy, and I tried to carry on as before. But I was emptier than ever before. It was during that epidemic that I met Edward, and his mother Elizabeth. She had guessed, I think, what I was. What I could do. And she begged me to save Edward, not to let him slip away. I acted on impulse, a few hours after she herself had succumbed to the fever,I took him from the hospital, I knew that in the confusion of the epidemic he would not be missed, and I carried him home over the rooftops. I changed him and taught him when he was a newborn. He is a son to me now. The son I never got the chance to have." He smiled as he thought of him. I was struck by how perfect and beautiful he was…angelic. I desperately wanted to reach out and touch him.

"But still, I was incomplete, there was a hole inside me that only you could fill. But I resigned myself to living without you. Content that you were living a full and happy life, pleased that I had not weakened, and taken your life away. And then, I found you. Lying there, on a gurney, your body was battered and broken but I didn't need to look at you to know it was you. I would have known the scent of you anywhere. As I stood in the doorway, a Crushing grief swept over me, my Esme, dead. In the morgue of Ashland hospital. I thought I had missed my chance. I couldn't believe I had let you be, so you could have a good, long happy life, only for it to be over so suddenly and violently. But the grief at your passing had distracted me, made me inattentive and it took me a second to realize that your scent was the scent of living blood, not dead. You were not dead. I entered the room, and easily found you, I took a closer look and I could hear your heart beat. They must have believed you dead, to have brought you here, to the morgue. Your heartbeat was weak, but my vampire hearing was strong.. You were on the very brink of death to be sure, but I knew if I could get you out of there, and get my venom into you while your heart was still drumming out its quiet dirge, then I could save you and maybe, you would want to stay with me, and start the life that I couldn't give you before. It seemed so perfect. My previous reluctance to take your life meant nothing. Now I was saving you. Giving you a new life. Not stealing away your chance at a happy future."

"You really want to start a life with me? But I don't understand, you've been so distant. But...you like me? " I asked.

"Of course I like you. So much more than that. I only kept my distance because I didn't want you to choose my way of life for the wrong reasons, or because you felt that you owed me something. I have been desperate to touch you from the moment you woke up!" He put his arms around me as he sad this, and kissed my head again. "Esme, I have loved you from the first second I saw you, I never believed it was possible for us to be together, I too, am whole again now you are with me, you have my heart, utterly, completely. It is yours. I'm sorry if I worried you, but I know how overwhelming this can all be, I wanted to give you a chance to find your feet before I put any pressure on you." He smiled down at me.

" I love you, too." I said and smiled back. The words seemed trite, not enough. Our eyes held and before I knew what was happening his lips were on mine, he kissed me with an urgency that could only be the build up of a decade's worth of longing. I kissed him back, savoring the feel of his lips on mine, his hands tangled in my hair and I knew that if my heart were beating now it would be flying, the warmth in my center was building and as my hands roamed his firm arms and chest, I could feel how strong and hard his body was and I knew he would take care of me forever. He pulled away from me then and looked into my eyes.

"I have waited so long for you. But now we are together, I was never whole until this day. You have given me new hope Esme, and I am going to do everything in my power to give you the life that you deserve. We have eternity to make up for the time that we missed. We can be together forever… if that is your wish."

"Yes, it is my wish. I want you to be with me always." I told him. And then, he kissed me again. Our lips moving together, the taste of him, the feel of his skin against mine intoxicated me, his hands caressing my arms and back. I felt the electricity from his fingers, blazing trails on my skin. It was several moments before he broke the kiss and looked down into my eyes again.

"Lets go home" he said, and took my hand so that we could run back to the house. It took moments, and we were entering the small dwelling where I had awakened to my new life.

He took my hand and led me up a flight of stairs to a room I hadn't been in before, and as I looked around at the boxes of belongings and piles of medical journals stacked up awaiting packing, I realized that this was _his_ room. There was a large bed in the corner, of the room, still with cushions and blankets strewn across it, and an open book lying face down, as though the reader, in favour of some other activity, had discarded it. He didn't speak to me. He just took my hand and led me over to the bed. We stood next to it, looking at each other for a few seconds. The tension was palpable, and although I wanted him, so much it was almost painful, I was a little apprehensive, after all, the only experience I had ever had of being near a bed with a man in this way, was an unhappy and painful one. I was unsure what to expect. He seemed to sense my hesitation, and he raised his hand to run a finger from the bottom of my ear, to the base of my throat, his touch causing that hot trembling feeling in the pit of my stomach to return. He moved his hand down to my waist, never breaking eye contact, and pulled me towards him, putting his other hand into my hair. When he kissed me again, there was a new edge to it. An urgency that was not present in the clearing before. I put my arms around him, running my fingers over his muscular physique beneath his light shirt. His mouth opened slightly, and I felt his tongue gently exploring my mouth. Our bodies were crushed together and I could feel his arousal pressing against me. I pushed my body closer to him, until there was no space between us. He seemed to approve of this and his hand moved to the base of my spine pulling me closer still. He moved the attention of his lips to my throat, and gently kissed the small crescent shaped scar that his teeth had left me when he had given me this new life. The thought, made the feeling at my centre intensify, and I rubbed my body against him, there was some kind of pressure building inside me, not like any feeling I had ever experienced before, but it was the kind of feeling that I needed more of. It was making me feel a little lightheaded and reckless, I lowered my hand to his taut buttock and pulled him against me, he let out a small sigh of pleasure, and his hand suddenly traveled down my back over my buttock and down to my thigh, he hitched my leg up so that my center was pushing against his hardness, and my skirts rode up to expose my leg, he slid his hand beneath the flimsy material and began to caress my skin. The friction created by the fabric of his trousers against my soft flesh was making it harder for me to stay focused and when he began to whisper my name in my ear, over and over, telling me of his love for me and how much he wanted me, it became too much to bear, the pressure inside me was building, hot and tingling, I needed him closer still, and tried to pull him towards the bed, and suddenly I was in his arms, as he lifted me onto the bed, he was beside me instantly and his lips were on mine again. My hands began to fumble with his belt, I wanted to feel his skin against mine, and he seemed to understand my want, and slid my dress over my shoulder. After a few moments of struggling with the fastenings, he simply ripped the garment from my body, and then removed his own clothes, in the same fashion, throwing the ruined pile of different fabrics across the room. And then we were skin to skin. We lay on our sides gazing at each other, exchanging small, tender kisses, his fingers trailing up and down my side, and my fingers memorizing every inch of his toned, hard chest. Very slowly and very gently his fingers began to stray towards my center, I leaned towards him to make sure he knew that this was what I wanted, and then he rolled me over onto my back and propped himself up above me, so that he could continue to kiss me but could reach more of my skin. I didn't feel self conscious or scared, just excited, and utterly, blissfully happy. His fingers traced a circle around my knee, and then slowly trailed upwards towards my center. I wanted him to touch me there. I parted my legs slightly, and rolled my hips a little, and he understood instantly, his lips suddenly intensified on mine, as his fingers found the warm wetness between my legs, his fingers softly exploring the wet folds, I jumped slightly, as a jolt of electricity shot through me, as his searching fingers found the bud of nerve endings nestled in those folds. It was a feeling of pure pleasure and a small moan escaped my lips, I searched for him with my hand and lifted my leg up to hook it over his hip, the feeling of his exploring fingers was the most intense sensation I had ever experienced, and the pressure continued to grow and pulse deep inside my body. I wanted more of him and I ground my hips onto his fingers, urging him to go deeper inside me. Again he understood, and thrust a finger deep inside me, and began to move it in circles, thrusting it deeper, making my head spin. I found his hard length with my fingers and began to pull him to me guiding him towards my body, I wanted, no, I _needed _to feel him inside me. When the tip of his cock was touching my entrance, he rolled me slightly so that he was on top of me, gazing down into my eyes. I couldn't stand the absence of his fingers inside me. I needed more of him. He nudged my legs farther apart and I lifted my ankles to hook them around the back of his knees, and I wrapped my arms around his waist and urged him to come closer, the tip of his cock teasing me, The languid pressure in my groin building to a fever pitch. I bucked my hips towards him, desperate to feel his hardness inside me.

"I love you, Esme, I want you to marry me." He whispered, and before I had a second to answer or even process his words, he pushed into me, and I felt a slight burning sensation as he filled me up, a small groan escaped his lips, and then he was kissing me again, the feeling of his lips on mine and his hard cock inside me, as we rocked together in a gentle rhythm, had the pressure in my center building and building, For a few moments, I felt as though I was frozen in time, the intense feeling building, as it spread out from the point where our bodies became one, and it was the most wonderful thing I'd ever felt, I was overcome with emotion and heat and love as wave after wave of pleasure washed over me, my hips bucking underneath him and my fingernails digging into his back and his ass, pulling him, deeper and deeper, his hips moving against me as he ground himself, deeper, into me, I felt as though we were the same person as he bucked and trembled in his own climax. Gradually our movements slowed and we kissed each other back down to earth. We rolled back over onto our sides, our fingers still caressing, our bodies still joined. Every inch of available skin touching. I felt a pang of sadness that it was over so soon, I wanted so much more, but then I remembered his words, and I realized I hadn't answered him yet. I looked up into his beautiful golden eyes, and smiled at him, His answering smile was dazzling, filled with happiness and contentment.

"I love you, Carlisle, and Yes I will marry you." I told him and I could hear the insuppressible grin in my voice.

"Thank you." He said and kissed me again. And where our bodies were still joined, dimming embers began to glow stronger again, and we melted into each other once more.


End file.
